I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
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I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
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He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Umm I'm too high to move.