can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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