I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties