Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (217)

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy

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  (217): I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy http://tfl.nu/0wt3
  Replies (5) Good night (1504) Bad night (506)
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  Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way

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  (217): Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way http://tfl.nu/0knp
  Replies (9) Good night (2766) Bad night (506)
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  i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.

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  (217): i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in. http://tfl.nu/1p6s
  Replies (1) Good night (1762) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
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  sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.

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  (217): sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar. http://tfl.nu/imgt
  Replies (4) Good night (1279) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories

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  (217): I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories http://tfl.nu/vqmd
  Replies (6) Good night (1642) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
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  If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...

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  (217): If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out... http://tfl.nu/9czx
  Replies (1) Good night (1032) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?

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  (217): If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping? http://tfl.nu/vdup
  Replies (5) Good night (1985) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
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  Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.

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  (217): Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not. http://tfl.nu/3f1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1711) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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  he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.

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  (217): he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex. http://tfl.nu/9sp5
  Replies (4) Good night (923) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think

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  (217): yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think http://tfl.nu/9wa8
  Replies (15) Good night (1271) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list

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  (217): I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list http://tfl.nu/djej
  Replies (5) Good night (1504) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012

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  (217): You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012 http://tfl.nu/onux
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  Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..

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  (217): Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself.. http://tfl.nu/ozpb
  Replies (4) Good night (458) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
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  We're knee deep in HJ's right now.

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  (217): We're knee deep in HJ's right now. http://tfl.nu/uucd
  Replies (10) Good night (1173) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
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  I feel a five day drunk coming on.

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  (217): I feel a five day drunk coming on. http://tfl.nu/u0qx
  Replies (4) Good night (1036) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt