His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...