sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.