I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.