He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.