I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.