there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.