I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla