Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"