Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"