she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.