I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.