well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words