we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'