You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.