We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.