There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..