Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
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Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.