I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
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He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.