Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.