I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!