Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
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can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.