Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.