Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.