he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.