I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...