woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
