I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.