We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.