Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (253)

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  (253): View more from Washington

  I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door

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  (253): I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door http://tfl.nu/jqcf
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  My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.

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  (253): My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support. http://tfl.nu/g29g
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  Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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  (253): Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it. http://tfl.nu/s7pq
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  Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

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  (253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life. http://tfl.nu/h3s9
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  dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool

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  (253): dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool http://tfl.nu/jdq1
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  I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.

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  (253): I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby. http://tfl.nu/itl7
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  Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.

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  (253): Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper. http://tfl.nu/3leu
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  she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?

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  (253): she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person? http://tfl.nu/ofbb
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  i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.

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  (253): i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed. http://tfl.nu/26az
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  Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab

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  I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.

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  (253): Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab (253): I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea. http://tfl.nu/y0mn
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  I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.

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  (253): I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then. http://tfl.nu/hci4
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  I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!

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  Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.

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  (206): I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night! (253): Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out. http://tfl.nu/4dtb
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  she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't

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  (253): she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't http://tfl.nu/jem5
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  i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money

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  (253): i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money http://tfl.nu/2wwu
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  There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

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  Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

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  (541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them? (253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either. http://tfl.nu/fhrp
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