It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited