that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Your dad touched me again.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?