I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
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I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.