OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You coming home soon, man?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.