You coming home soon, man?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better