You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...