the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.