Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone