Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either