Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
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The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?