Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (509)

Last Night in Washington (509)

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I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.

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(509): I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120. http://tfl.nu/oklb

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so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week

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(509): so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week http://tfl.nu/b2p9

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i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.

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(509): i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me. http://tfl.nu/hwe3

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she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

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(509): she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age. http://tfl.nu/4icz

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Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

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Becoming a productive member of society?

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Sam. Come on.

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(509): Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? (860): Becoming a productive member of society? (509): Sam. Come on. http://tfl.nu/hrkz

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That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis

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(509): That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis http://tfl.nu/pim3

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This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.

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(509): This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes. http://tfl.nu/scwa

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I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.

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(509): I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo. http://tfl.nu/veuj

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you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin

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and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"

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(509): you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin (509): and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD" http://tfl.nu/lw4q

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Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin

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was*

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True, R.I.P.

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(509): Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin (253): was* (509): True, R.I.P. http://tfl.nu/u2pm

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I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?

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talent.

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(509): I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy? (1-509): talent. http://tfl.nu/18h3

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My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?

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It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.

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(509): My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that? (541): It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you. http://tfl.nu/ntpo

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Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.

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(509): Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN. http://tfl.nu/p4en

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I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker

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(509): I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker http://tfl.nu/fgze

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Can I ask u a weird question?

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Sure

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do u have the hershy squirts too?

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(509): Can I ask u a weird question? (1-509): Sure (509): do u have the hershy squirts too? http://tfl.nu/s8pz

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Last Night in Washington (509)

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