You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.