Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it