Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok