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I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
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