The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
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Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.