Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How's your threesome situation going?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think