Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?