anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him