Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.