I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off