The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you