She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
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After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.