DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.