I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man