I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.