a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
