Last Night in New Jersey (973)

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  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

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  Guess she heard her killer coming

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  They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.

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  we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.

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  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

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  i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house

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  He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.

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  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

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  gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.

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  That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.

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  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

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  grab my backpack.....its in the fridge

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