My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.