Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (734)

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing

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  (734): I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing http://tfl.nu/hsq9
  Replies (1) Good night (324) Bad night (132) Order T-Shirt
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  But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss

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  (734): But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss http://tfl.nu/ju7w
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (98) Order T-Shirt
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  I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet

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  (734): I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet http://tfl.nu/92s9
  Replies (4) Good night (296) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
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  This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.

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  (734): This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving. http://tfl.nu/sgt2
  Replies (4) Good night (191) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.

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  (734): Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password. http://tfl.nu/ih1a
  Replies (5) Good night (587) Bad night (185) Order T-Shirt
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  My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.

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  (734): My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know. http://tfl.nu/ov06
  Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (121) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.

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  (734): When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office. http://tfl.nu/5u6k
  Replies (8) Good night (576) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
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  You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.

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  (734): You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them. http://tfl.nu/p5zk
  Replies (1) Good night (254) Bad night (423)
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  Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him

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  (734): Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him http://tfl.nu/qq0a
  Replies (0) Good night (276) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.

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  (734): Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink. http://tfl.nu/pqtj
  Replies (1) Good night (179) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.

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  (734): Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life. http://tfl.nu/3mco
  Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (149) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  all my money is vodka money

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  I have never read a truer sentence.

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  (734): all my money is vodka money (1-734): I have never read a truer sentence. http://tfl.nu/947v
  Replies (0) Good night (649) Bad night (165) Order T-Shirt
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  I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.

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  (734): I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game. http://tfl.nu/jsqs
  Replies (7) Good night (193) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do

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  (734): If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do http://tfl.nu/wpum
  Replies (6) Good night (1012) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.

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  (734): I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first. http://tfl.nu/6gn4
  Replies (1) Good night (474) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt