Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.