Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (734)

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox

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  (734): nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox http://tfl.nu/ge10
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  I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets

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  (734): I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/shph
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  I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed

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  (734): I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed http://tfl.nu/ut1d
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  The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.

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  (734): The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes. http://tfl.nu/6htc
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  it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party

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  (734): it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party http://tfl.nu/d8h2
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  I just commented on the education level of his penis.

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  (734): I just commented on the education level of his penis. http://tfl.nu/tupj
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  Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.

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  (734): Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins. http://tfl.nu/ngas
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  When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out

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  (734): When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out http://tfl.nu/vrth
  Replies (5) Good night (696) Bad night (1234)
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  Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.

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  (734): Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had. http://tfl.nu/a9pp
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  WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES

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  (734): WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES http://tfl.nu/4qd7
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  In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.

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  (734): In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER. http://tfl.nu/mukx
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  I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.

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  (734): I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons. http://tfl.nu/bvxd
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  we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

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  ...that shit cray.

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  (734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz
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  Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy

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  Nevermind. Totally worth it.

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  (734): Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy (734): Nevermind. Totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/cbwr
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  he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.

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  (734): he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/43r1
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