We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?