What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick