THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.