I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear