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Last Night in Michigan (734)

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we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

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...that shit cray.

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(734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz

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Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy

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Nevermind. Totally worth it.

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(734): Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy (734): Nevermind. Totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/cbwr

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he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.

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(734): he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/43r1

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I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover

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(734): I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover http://tfl.nu/93w3

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Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....

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(734): Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters..... http://tfl.nu/8dbk

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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.

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(734): I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW. http://tfl.nu/ynr9

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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."

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(734): It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE." http://tfl.nu/k46u

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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.

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(734): The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use. http://tfl.nu/kozs

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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...

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(734): You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part... http://tfl.nu/5hsp

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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.

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(734): I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony. http://tfl.nu/i9iy

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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.

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(734): He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point. http://tfl.nu/zkwk

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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.

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(734): The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake. http://tfl.nu/3nh1

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Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on

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(734): Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on http://tfl.nu/hv9f

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What do you wear to apply at a strip club?

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(734): What do you wear to apply at a strip club? http://tfl.nu/ttz5

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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.

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(734): He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked. http://tfl.nu/9iel

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Last Night in Michigan (734)

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