Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.