I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?