Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
