It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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