Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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