If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
