My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.