Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...