I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.