I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...