Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.