Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.