They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...