You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.