Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Michigan (586)

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  I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.

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  (586): I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman. http://tfl.nu/wow9
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  The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."

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  (586): The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON." http://tfl.nu/rycj
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  Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.

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  (586): Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at. http://tfl.nu/sdak
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  He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.

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  Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.

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  (586): He probably thinks you're playing hard to get. (248): Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone. http://tfl.nu/1zpx
  Replies (1) Good night (1143) Bad night (223)
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  He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.

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  (586): He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head. http://tfl.nu/0c7d
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  I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.

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  (586): I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them. http://tfl.nu/3swq
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  Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?

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  (586): Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text? http://tfl.nu/2ntm
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  Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work

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  (586): Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work http://tfl.nu/uldi
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  She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.

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  (586): She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her. http://tfl.nu/tkh4
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  Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?

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  (586): Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking? http://tfl.nu/6uzh
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  Turn on the Discovery Channel

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  Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting

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  (586): Turn on the Discovery Channel (586): Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting http://tfl.nu/ex8r
  Replies (6) Good night (530) Bad night (233)
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  Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?

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  (586): Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right? http://tfl.nu/hfcq
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  Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......

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  (586): Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet...... http://tfl.nu/yh71
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  I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED

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  (586): I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED http://tfl.nu/w9fp
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  I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.

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  ...how and why.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  PARENTS ARE MAGIC.

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  (248): I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS. (586): ...how and why. (248): PARENTS ARE MAGIC. http://tfl.nu/swgi
  Replies (7) Good night (696) Bad night (271)