He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.