Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.