Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?